A Winter Sabbatical (Books We Love holiday romance) Page 7

  He had to do something. Anything.

  He drove around and around, going nowhere, achieving nothing.

  It was nearly two a.m. Travis found himself outside Marissa’s house. How had he gotten there? He certainly hadn’t planned it.

  He sat in the driveway with the engine running and the headlights on. Finally he switched them both off. He leaned his head down on the steering wheel, thinking.

  Where the hell is she?

  Travis lifted his head. He had the strangest feeling; the feeling of being watched.

  He looked around. Nothing. No one. The house was in darkness. Of course it was, he reminded himself, Marissa hadn’t been there for days.

  Travis climbed out of the car and stretched his legs. He’d been driving for hours, and his legs were stiff and sore.

  He wandered casually around the house. What he hoped to find, he didn’t know. He felt comforted just being there, God only knew why – because he sure as hell didn’t!

  Travis heard his own indrawn breath, as a flock of birds suddenly flew skywards, disturbed by his movement.

  He continued to walk around aimlessly. Marissa was part of his life now – part of him. All he needed was to know she was safe.

  Realizing this was getting him nowhere, Travis started back toward the car. As he rounded the corner, something caught his eye – a tiny slither of light. He stared at the window. The curtains were drawn back, as he would have expected.

  Marissa stood at the window, staring into the darkness.

  ***

  She hadn’t seen him arrive, and was startled to see Travis standing outside the window, watching her.

  How long had he been standing there? – A few seconds, minutes, or longer?

  What would he think when she told him, she wondered. He’d probably be hurt. She would, if she were in his position.

  The expected knock was longer coming than Marissa had anticipated. At least it seemed that way. She stood in readiness to open the door, but it was as though her muscles had all locked up and she couldn’t move.

  “Marissa – let me in.” She heard his muffled voice, even through the heavy door. She didn’t answer, and he called again. “I know you’re there. Please, let me in – we need to talk.”

  There he goes again, wanting to talk. Always wanting to talk. Marissa sighed. She’d better let him in; he might try to break the door down otherwise. But in her own mind, Marissa knew Travis would never do that.

  They stood staring at each other for what seemed a lifetime, until Travis reached up and gently touched her cheek with the back of his hand.

  Marissa shuddered. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

  “When did you get back?” He seemed disappointed more than angry or annoyed, and looked terribly tired. As though he hadn’t slept for days.

  “I didn’t.” He was confused now, she could see it in his expression. It was a stupid thing to say, given the circumstances. “I didn’t go, after all.”

  She heard his indrawn breath at her statement. “You’d better come in.”

  Travis slumped onto the sofa. Didn’t go? She didn’t go? He’d been worried sick, and she didn’t go?

  The room was in darkness; the little light there was, coming from the kitchen and the moonlight.

  Marissa hovered over him. “Cup of tea?”

  “Forget the tea. What’s going on?” Now he was annoyed. She glared at him. That was cool, Johnston. Real cool. Now you’ve got her back up.

  “I’m having one, whether you do or not.” That was that – she turned her back on him and walked out.

  Travis went over to the window where Marissa had been standing earlier, and stared out for what seemed an eternity. “What secrets do you hold?” he eventually whispered to the moonlit sky, hoping to find the answers to all his problems. One in particular.

  “Did you say something?” He turned to find Marissa behind him, holding two steaming cups of liquid in her hands.

  “Just thinking aloud.”

  Handing him a cup, Marissa joined him at the window. “I guess I owe you an explanation.” Travis shrugged his shoulders. More than likely he wouldn’t get one anyway. “I needed time to think. About us.” Marissa stared up into his face. Her eyes pleaded with him. Her heart reached out to him.

  “Marissa,” his fingers traced the outline of her lips. The lips he wanted to kiss. But Marissa wanted to talk, so talk they would. After all, isn’t that what he’d been trying to get her to do since they’d met?

  She reached up and held his fingers, then removed them from her lips. He watched in the moonlight as her anguished eyes glittered. “I did have an assignment, and I was going.” See, he told himself – there was an explanation. “I pulled out at the last minute.”

  “Why didn’t you call and tell me?” He was hurt. Why would she do this to him? After what they’d been to each other?

  “I told you – I needed time to think. I needed some space.” Marissa studied the floor. Travis lifted her face with his fingers until she looked him in the eye. “I’ve already hurt you.” Her voice was low now. “I don’t want to hurt you anymore.”

  He didn’t speak, didn’t interrupt her. She needed to do this, get it out in the open. And he needed to hear it.

  Marissa walked away from the window, dropping her half empty cup on the nearby side table. Travis closely watched, but stood rooted to the spot. He expected Marissa to drop into a chair or onto the sofa, but she quietly returned to his side, staring out of the window again.

  The atmosphere was suddenly electric. She finally trusted him enough to tell him what was bothering her.

  Travis looked at Marissa, wondering whether to wait or urge her to speak. As he studied her face in the moonlight, he noticed her tears roll slowly down her face. It was all he could do not to wrap his arms around her and hug her tight.

  “Jeremy was my fiancée. We were to be married about six months ago.” Just over four months before they met. Travis took her hand and held it.

  “We met at high school, senior year, and were constant companions from then on. He was beautiful to look at, beautiful to be with. When it... happened, we had been engaged about twelve months.”

  She turned and looked at him, her eyes assessing him. Wondering at his reaction?

  “We’d been to a movie in the afternoon, and decided to go to the park afterwards. We sat on the grass talking for awhile, then it was time to go home.” Marissa brushed at her cheeks, and Travis was tempted to reach out and hold her. It was difficult, but he restrained himself. He had to let her talk.

  “We headed for the pedestrian crossing – we weren’t far from home, so we were on foot. Jeremy was always pretty laid-back, and stopped in the middle of the footpath and kissed me...” Travis grimaced. “As though he would never kiss me again, as though he would never touch me again.” Marissa shivered, then wrapped her arms around herself, rubbing her hands up and down her arms. “We stepped out onto the crossing, and were nearly half way across when,” Marissa stopped and closed her eyes, squeezing them tight.

  “Marissa?”

  “When Jeremy suddenly grabbed both my arms and threw me hard against a parked car.”

  Travis felt his heartbeat quicken. What the hell?

  “The next thing I remember, I was in the hospital.” She was calm, too calm, Travis decided. “Jeremy was there – in another cubicle. They took me in to see him.” Marissa took a deep breath. Travis waited. She would continue when she was ready.

  “He was a mess. Tubes coming out all over the place, blood everywhere, and he had an oxygen mask.” Travis moved closer. He could hardly hear her now. “He was barely alive.”

  Travis could feel his heart thumping in his head. Why did he have to push her so much? Why couldn’t he let it be?

  “I told him,” Without a sound, Travis watched as Marissa forced herself into composure. “I told him I loved him. I held his hand, and told him I loved him. And then…”

  Travis swallowed.

&nb
sp; Marissa covered her face with her hands, and cried into them. “And then he died.”

  Travis took her hand and squeezed it, but Marissa wrenched it away. “And what did I do?” She laughed, an embittered laugh. “I fainted. Jeremy was dead, and I fainted. They wanted to take me away from him, but I wouldn’t let them. I sat with him for hours – I guess I was hoping it was all a dream, a nightmare, and I’d wake up and find it wasn’t true.”

  Travis looked at her, at her tear-drenched face. How could he make it all right again?

  Travis reached out and pulled Marissa to him. He tried to comfort her, but knew he could never take away her pain. She cried until her tears had all dried up.

  Marissa suddenly pulled away and turned her back to him.

  “His voice, his screaming voice,” She turned to face Travis again, looking directly into his eyes. “I hear it over and over. His voice, it stops me... I can’t,” You can’t what Marissa? Tell me. Tell me!

  She swallowed hard, but said nothing. Travis held both her hands, trying to give support, comfort. “You can’t what?” he asked quietly.

  Marissa closed her eyes again, and Travis watched as her face twisted in agony.

  When she spoke again, her voice was barely a whisper. “I can’t get it out of my head. It’s always there, mostly when I sleep.”

  Everything finally fell into place – the forest, the bed – now he understood. “He saved your life.”

  She nodded. “He saved my life, but at what cost?”

  Travis cupped her face with his hands. “Marissa.” She just stared ahead, somewhere into space. “Marissa – how long ago was this?”

  “Twelve months today.”

  Chapter Five

  Marissa awoke to find herself in bed. Travis was asleep next to her.

  She slid out of bed and put her feet to the floor, trying not to disturb him. He must be tired after what she’d put him through last night.

  He was upset, she could tell he was upset, but instead of ranting and raving about her being at the house all that time without telling him, Travis spent his time comforting her.

  Not that she deserved it. She’d lied to him, hid the truth from him and refused to put his mind at ease.

  Travis stirred and Marissa sat glued to the edge of the bed, determined not to wake him.

  Today was going to be the beginning of a new life. Hmmm, she’d said that before hadn’t she? But this time would be different – Travis would be there to help her. At least she hoped he would be.

  Doubt began to creep into her mind. When the going gets tough...

  She shook her head. No, not Travis! He wouldn’t walk out on her. That was one of the reasons she had finally decided to tell him the truth. The whole truth. He needed to know, and Marissa knew he would be her rock of Gibraltar, her calming force, and her shoulder to cry on.

  Today she felt better, finally she felt better – ready to face the world, in fact. She could conquer anything, everything, and she would.

  Today she would work on her novel. Today she would start over. Look out world, here comes a brand-new Marissa Temple!

  And with that resolve under her belt, Marissa climbed into the shower.

  The shower made her feel like a new woman. Marissa washed her hair, something she didn’t do every day. It was so long and thick, it took ages to dry.

  She pulled on her undies and bra, then wrapped her wet hair in a towel.

  She stood at the mirror and applied her moisturizer, making doubly sure her skin was well covered.

  She could hear Travis moving about the house, but he’d respected her privacy, and hadn’t disturbed her.

  She unwrapped her hair, drying it vigorously, then Marissa looked at herself in the mirror, pulling a face. “Coward,” she said. “You’re doing all this because you don’t want to face him.”

  Marissa pulled on her blue jeans and t-shirt, letting the shirt hang loose. She slid into her well-worn moccasins.

  Her comfort clothes, she finally acknowledged.

  She didn’t finish drying her hair, nor did she brush it. Marissa turned and walked out.

  She found Travis in the kitchen. He had his back to her and was making pancakes.

  Mmmm, it smelled good. She’d talk to him after breakfast.

  Marissa started to back off – perhaps he’d never know she’d even been there.

  One of her moccasins caught in the edging strip where the carpet met the tiles, and Marissa lost her balance.

  She fell flat on her back.

  Travis spun around on the spot. “Well, that’s a good look.” He was there in a few short strides, and squatted on the floor next to her. “The hair’s good, too.”

  Travis ran his fingers through Marissa’s wet hair. At least, he tried. “What do you call this, a la rat’s nest?”

  He was having a lend of her, but Marissa didn’t care. She liked it that way.

  She reached out and took his hands, then yanked him to the floor with her.

  “Hey, not fair,” he said, but when Marissa kissed him, Travis didn’t complain. He rolled toward Marissa, then hovered above her, his legs straddling her.

  Marissa wrapped her arms around his neck, and deepened the kiss. He was wearing only his jocks and a t-shirt, and she could feel his arousal push against her, even through the thickness of her jeans.

  Without warning, Travis stopped. He pulled back and looked at her. It was as though time stopped. He didn’t utter a sound, not a single sound, just stared into her eyes.

  Marissa was stunned. What was wrong with him? Didn’t he want her? Then it hit her – he felt sorry for her. Well, she wouldn’t have it!

  She reached out and shoved him away, and Travis landed flat on his back on the carpet.

  Marissa stood up, and stood over him with her hands on her hips. “Don’t you give me your damned pity, Travis Johnston.” Her hair was dripping all over him, but too bad. He deserved it. “If you think I’m going to put up with that rubbish, then you can just forget it.”

  Travis lay speechless, looking up at her as he brushed water off his face.

  “Go home. I don’t want you here.” Marissa turned and walked out of the room, not waiting for his response.

  Travis sat on the floor feeling like a scolded child.

  What should he do now? He didn’t want to leave, but Marissa certainly wanted him to.

  Had he really pitied her? He didn’t mean to, but maybe she was right. What did she expect anyway? The situation was not to be taken lightly. Jeremy had practically died in her arms.

  No wonder she was traumatized. What he had to do now, was decided how to help, and pity obviously wasn’t the way to go about it, if Marissa’s reaction was anything to go by.

  Travis jumped to his feet, suddenly remembering his pancakes.

  Burned to a frizzle. Not that he expected anything different. He should never have tried to kiss her. It was too soon. Oh hell! – he’d made love to her, too. Good one, Johnston.

  Travis threw out the ruined pancakes, and began another batch.

  “I thought I told you to go home.”

  Travis turned to find Marissa standing in the doorway, hands on hips. From the day he met her, he knew Marissa was a strong willed woman, but this was ridiculous.

  “I’m not going anywhere. If you don’t want to be with me,” he flipped the last two pancakes over, “Then you leave.” Travis turned his back on her to tend his pancakes.

  He heard her indrawn breath, but chose to ignore it. He lifted the tray of warm pancakes from the oven, and added the last two, placing them all in the oven again. He turned around, but Marissa was gone.

  Music. He could hear music. He followed the sound to the lounge room, where he found Marissa listening to Patsy Cline’s heartbreaking version of Crazy.

  Was that how she felt? Lonely? And did she really think he’d leave her? Leave her for somebody new?

  Travis shook himself. He was acting crazy himself. It was just a song. Wasn’t it?

&nbs
p; He stood across the room, watching, waiting, wanting her reassurance. As though she sensed his presence, Marissa turned and looked at him.

  Travis didn’t speak, but Marissa seemed to understand his concern at her choice of music.

  “Blues,” she said, as though that answered everything.

  Travis stepped forward, but Marissa put up her hands defensively as Patsy Cline’s voice faded out.

  Willie Nelson suddenly came through the speakers singing Blue Skies.

  Great, just great, Travis thought, the Blues just keep rolling on.

  Marissa rifled through her CD’s. Was she looking for more depressing songs to make her miserable day even more miserable?

  He had to do something. This was absurd; he couldn’t let her go on like this. Is this what she did when she was alone? No wonder she was always so unhappy. That, amongst other things, anyway.

  Travis covered her hand. “Let me,” he said, noticing the trickle of tears down her face, but saying nothing.

  She had a good selection of music, mainly Blues and Country and Western. He wanted something with a bit more oomph to it –something that would be mood altering.

  “Ah-ha!” He took it out of the box and put it the drive to play it. “One of my favorites – I want to be a Cowboy’s Sweetheart.”

  “Really?” Marissa smiled at him, for the first time all day.

  Her meaning finally hit him, and Travis laughed. “No, not really, but it is a great song, don’t you agree?”

  Marissa’s mood did lighten a little, and Travis let the next song on the CD play without interruption. It’s gentle words and music sweeping them into the flow of their love. I will always love you, brought tears to Marissa’s eyes. Already weepy, Travis realized the song was not a good choice after all, and probably only served to set her off again.

  They stood entwined, gently rocking to the rhythm of the song. Marissa rested her head on his chest, her hot tears falling. Perhaps, Travis decided, letting go was harder than she’d thought it would be.

  Unchained Melody began, and as they moved around the room, still holding each other, Travis sang the words at a whisper into Marissa’s ear. She looked up at him, and he brought his hand up to wipe at her cheek.